He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
