I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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