You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
