I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
