fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
