so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
