I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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