I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize