Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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