Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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