Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize