Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
