Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
