An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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