I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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