I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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