Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
