Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
