I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
