he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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