I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
