Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
