I'm drive I can fine osifer
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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