In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
