Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
