It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
