I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
