sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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