I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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