Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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