Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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