Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
