I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
