Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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