She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You are the jesus of drinking
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
