I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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