im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
