i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
