Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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