Your tits are I can't wait for
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize