I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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