No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
