Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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