Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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