I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
