i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
someone owes me an orgasm
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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