i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
