Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
