I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
