Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
