Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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