So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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