Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I am available for nakedness
Randomize