I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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