You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
In America we eat man semen.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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