Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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