Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
