Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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