just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize