My room smells like vodka and shame
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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