nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
