Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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