Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize