If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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