Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
