He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
