so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
