Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
